My mom’s feet…

My mom has the pedidexterity of a chimp.

Okay, full disclosure — that is my foot, but I couldn’t secretly snap a photo of my mom’s feet — because I value my life and stuff…
She uses her feet to pick up things. Her toes act like vice grips and latch onto anything she’s dropped. Then, instead of bending at the hips or waist to retrieve said item, she merely bends a knee and her skillful toes deposit her treasure into her palm.

It’s kinda impressive. Kinda freaky, but mostly impressive.

Her feet are able to pick up anything ranging from something as small as a quarter to something much larger like a blanket. Weight seems to make no difference in foot/toe retrieval.

Her toes are strong, let me tell you.

My Korean mom’s feet are not limited to fetching… oh no… she also gestures with her feet. Yep, gestures. In the middle of a conversation, where she might’ve been sitting calmly with her legs cross, she’ll suddenly reach a crescendo of excitement and point at something with her big toe. If you’re not used to Korean moms and the way they do business, you may miss this subtle clue entirely. Big mistake. (More on Korean moms and subtle cues later…)

This foot pointing or foot gesturing is especially common when my Korean mom is indulging in K Drama (or Korean Dramas) on her iPad. She won’t be letting go of her iPad if you ask here “where’d you put the ____”. So look sharp! A nicely polished big toe will show you the way.

Now before you go off thinking that my Korean mom only used her feet for good, remember — Korean mom’s like to PINCH! This rings especially true for mine. It’s her way of showing affection. We’re not really a huggy, kissy family. So, instead, you’ll get a pinch or two. Probably in or around your dupa and probably with the dreaded BIG TOE!

And man, will it hurt!

Big toe pinches are the WORST! Years of grabbing, reaching, gesturing, and retrieving have trained the big toes like those crazy stairs trained Rocky. Their grip is strong and relentless and because they are, well, toes… they won’t reach where people would normally pinch you (arms, shoulder, I don’t know — wherever).

Instead, they’ll reach your inner thigh meat… that super sensitive chub storage locker… that place where the toe pinch makes you want to puke from the pain.

Or, they’ll reach your dupa. For those of you that didn’t have the ethnic rainbow of a family that I did, you may not know that Polish grandma’s call a butt a dupa. Yeah dupa pinches are not cute. They hurt.

So to summarize — korean mom’s feet: helpful, skillful, lethal

Pro Tips: Give your Korean mom’s toes a wide berth. No need to crowd them, especially if she’s in a “playful” mood. Protect your dupa and inner thigh meat!